I’m certain we have all done this. Gone and asked someone for their time and advice and asked and asked other questions without giving anything in return.

How did you feel about yourself after the interchange? Do you feel used?  Learn to have clear boundaries

Don’t get me wrong there are plenty of times we need to ask for information from people for directions or who do you know that I could send this person to…, but that is simple and to the point and ends quickly.  You share your gratitude for the information and the interaction is over.-cleanly.

Cleanly is the key when someone hangs for more and more the energy of the interaction changes to more of the “cold call” sales energy where the person keeps asking more and more leading questions you feel more and more cornered and used.

What type of boundaries are you using:

  • Spongy – combination of having soft and rigid boundaries are unsure of what to let in and what to keep out.
  • Rigid – closed or walled off so nobody can get close to you either physically or emotionally.  Rigid boundaries can be selective which depend on time, place or circumstances and are usually based on a bad previous experience in a similar situation.
  • Flexible – Similar to selective rigid boundaries but the person has more control. The person decides what to let in and what to keep out, is resistant to emotional contagion and manipulation, and is difficult to exploit. Nina Brown 2

What do you think about this? Please share your experience below.

Resources: 1.  Adrienne Graham thinks about it Forbes Magazine

2. Nina Brown en.wikipedia.org